Where to go from here...
Lately, life has felt unfulfilling. Like something was missing. Aside from the obvious, grief and the loss of loved ones, I have felt like a part of me died along with the ridiculous amount of people I have had to say goodbye to in 2025 and 2026. Nothing feels settled, like no matter how much I try to fill the void with retail therapy or picking up yet another passion, I still feel an intense sense of emptiness and longing.
I have desires to embark on adventures and a long list of tasks to complete, but I feel trapped within the confines of my own mind. People say you should feel the will to live or even have a sense of living life to the fullest after loss, especially when someone dies so young. And I admit, initially, that is the feeling I had. But as time weathered on, like it grossly does, I'm just left feeling the motions of daily life with a lack of joy.
I posted this picture of Turks and Caicos, because I mean look at the picture. It is nature's beauty at it's finest with the sun setting over endless ocean waves. It brings back memory of that evening... the cool breeze in the air, the scent of salt lingering, of peace. I feel a pull to be back in nature, to engulf myself in the smell of grass, of the trees, the breeze, to reconnect with a part of myself I have long since lost. The courage it takes to bring myself back to that version of myself is severely lacking to say the least.
Honestly, I don't know what I am doing with this post. I guess this is just the ramblings of an autistic girl with no clear guidance or direction. As good of a first post as any... Just writing to release and let go of what I have held on to for far too long.
Comments